6 Common Mistakes of Faithful Spouses in an Affair

After the discovery of an affair, what’s a faithful spouse supposed to do? What is he/she NOT supposed to do? Let’s ask biblical counselor June Hunt and get helpful Scriptures to help heal…

Painful feelings, wounded hearts, and bruised egos can lead to faithful mates making common mistakes that ignite an emotional tinderbox.
Faithful mates struggling with unfaithfulness in their lives can avoid pitfalls so that peace, healing, and reconciliation occur far more
quickly. Lean on the Lord—who will never be unfaithful—for wisdom and strength in restoring your relationship. And cling to God’s promises in Scripture.

“For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.”
(Psalm 33:4)

6 Common Mistakes of the Spouse Being Cheated On in an Affair

  1. Don’t keep trying to change your mate.
  2. Don’t repeatedly bring up the past in order to convict your mate.
    • The Holy Spirit is the One who convicts.
    • “When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment” (John 16:8).
  3. Don’t blame yourself for the adultery.
    • Almost all wounded mates struggle with false guilt, feeling responsible for the mate’s affair. However, whatever you did or didn’t do did not cause your spouse to sin against you. You can’t make another person sin. Our actions are based on our own individual choices.
    • “Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God” (Romans 14:12).
  4. Don’t minimize or deny the seriousness of the situation.
    • Minimizing or denying the seriousness of the situation does not change the fact that it is wrong. Be willing to see sin for what it is.
    • “Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness” (Romans 6:13).
  5. Don’t seek to meet all your mate’s needs.
    • You can never meet all your mate’s needs. If you could meet all those needs, your mate would never need God. He did not create anyone to meet all the needs of another person. Especially beware of becoming another person’s god—taking the place that God alone should have. God promises to meet all our needs.
    • “My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
  6. Don’t communicate that you can’t make it alone and that you are completely dependent on your partner.
    • Your hope is to be in the Lord alone, not in another person.
    • “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge” (Psalm 62:5–7).

Adultery: The Snare of an Affair [Hope For The Heart Series]

Has your heart been broken by a cheating husband or cheating wife? Has your life been gripped by the agony of adultery? Has your life been forever changed because of the snare of an emotional affair? Adultery is no small matter, especially for those who experience the intense pain of living with a spouse who breaks the marriage covenant. In the book, Adultery: The Snare of an Affair, June Hunt provides Christian counseling on how to find hope in God. But, this is more than Christian marriage counseling it shows how to find healing, hope, and forgiveness after the devastation of an affair.

In the first section of Adultery, June defines adultery and reveals the warning signs of adultery, such as change in mood, appearance, spending, etc. She provides practical ways and sound biblical wisdom in answering tough questions, such as—

  • What can I do to ensure that I will be faithful when I feel attracted to someone beside my spouse?
  • My husband had numerous affairs and now wants to reconcile. Should we get back together?
  • Why does anyone get involved in adultery? Is it my fault?
  • Is it wrong to try to find out whether or not my spouse is being unfaithful? If it’s not wrong, what is the best way to do so?

June illustrates the consequences of adultery by retelling the story of David, a man of God who fell into the temptation of having an affair, which led to guilt-ridden “cover ups” and a strained relationship with God. She goes on to explain the causes, characteristics, and consequences of adultery, such as the—

In the section titled, “Steps to Solution,” June Hunt explains—

Hopelessness. Loneliness. Despair. Anger. Revenge.—There are many emotions that come up when one finds out that their spouse is having an affair. But, God can bring peace and restoration to you. May God use the truths in this book to bring healing to your heart and hope to your soul.

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